One of the hardest parts of my healing process, was saying it out loud, admitting my problem with intent to heal.
How could I tell the amazingly loving and supportive people in my life, who care about me, and have done so much for me, all that I have been doing to myself.
I was embarrassed. Ashamed. Guilt Ridden. I feared people would look at me differently. I feared I would disappoint and hurt those close to me.
As my counsellor/dear friend would later informed me… I was not following my own belief system… If people in my life were going through what I have been going through, I would want to be there for them, just as those in my life have been there for me.
I was manifesting a story based on preconceived expectations.
I knew deep down that my friends and family would be nothing by supportive and loving.
Fear and shame gave my addiction power.
Telling someone meant my addiction would lose power.
I truly believe that people come in and out of my life for a reason. My dear friend Dean and I met at a BC Teacher Rally down town, just after my story began. We Shared a moment of excitement about being from the same district, and me being me, decide it was prime time to take a selife with my new friend.
For some odd, unexplainable reason, our souls connected. Dean is a kindred spirit. From then on, Dean and I have had amazingly heart felt conversations, sharing pieces of ourselves.
Not that my friends are not amazing, but I needed to tell someone that really didn’t know much of my life – I needed an OBJECTIVE PARTY. Dean being the a-social soul he is, I felt would be able to provide the objective insight I needed.
Up to this point, I had told 2 people up to this point, but masked the truth with lies that the habit was over
So 4 months after this “1 time” deal began…
I took my first step.
I told someone with a small shimmer of intent to move forward
I was learning to walk again.
Discovering my breath