With any addiction, or mental health issue it is easy to isolate, to put on a front of contentment while simultaneously feeling hallow. I felt hallow. I felt like I was passively moving through the motions of life, experiencing surface level moments of happiness and excitement – but no depth to those emotions. I was numb.
Although my secret was revealed in late September 2014, my habit remained in full force for quite some time. Yes, my daily routine had decreased, and yes I becoming more aware of root causes. But no, the purging had not stopped. I had grown numb to the fear of judgement, people knew yet I made the choice to continue the habit.
But, in February I rediscovered life.
One of my best friends Taylor invited me to the first ever “CHASING SUNRISE” where, with a group of mostly strangers and I hiked up Grouse Mountain at 5am with the goal of beating the sun.
Trusting my connection with nature, my fellow hikers, and my headlamp to guide me up the side of the mountain as chased the sun, I embarked on an adventure that shifted it all.
The moment at the top, where 25 of us stood to watch the sun peak over the mountains, was incredible. We shared stories and laughs over hot chocolate and snacks, each in awe of the positive energy of the group.
There was a moment of complete silence as we all sat in awe of natures beauty, and it was in that moment staring out at the city and mountains as they awakened, as the sun first rose to bring life to its surroundings I felt like I could breathe. My world was put into PERSPECTIVE
Being surrounded by such positive energy REFUELLED my love of life that I thought I had lost. I began to reflect on what I truly valued, and how I wanted my life to reflect what I value. I was reminded that I have a choice
Even writing this post now, I am overwhelmed with gratitude. Mountains saved me. Chasing saved me. BC Mountains have become my play ground. A place for self reflection, a place to connect with amazing people and inspire unbelievable friendships.
I am choosing happy. I am choosing to live. I am choosing to write a story of adventure, authenticity, truth, love, and learning. I am choosing to surround myself with positive, open people.
To my fellow chasers, thank you for constantly inspiring me, teaching me, and supporting me. As the motto stands… We were born to do more than just pay bills and die.