Chapter 18: I give you permission…

A recent conversation with some friends has surfaced a truth for me.
Although the last few months have been filled with amazing opportunities, adventure, and love, emotionally I have felt extremely off balance.
I have been pushing myself, driving through bad days without sharing them.
Distracting myself with ‘busy’ instead of honouring emotional turmoil that was causing distress within.

But the truth is, although I have developed the capacity to choose happy, sometimes these choices are rooted in pure will power not to feel like a failure. A drive to recover.
I felt ashamed of the sadness and self doubt that surfaced as a result of certain events in my life. In my head, I had no right or reason to feel sadness or self doubt. In my head, I should be okay.

I have been reminded of the importance to give myself time and space to honour ALL emotions. That suppressing and fighting through emotions instead of dealing with them is exhausting. It is during times of exhaustion that my old habits have opportunity to sink its teeth in, taking advantage of my emotional fog to reek havoc. If I TRULY want to be my happy self, I need to honour and allow myself to feel the emotions that exist on the other side of the spectrum.

Dear Self,

It is okay. It is okay to still have bad days. You are human.

But Sarah, if you are struggling, it is time to put yourself first. When you honour and love yourself, you have more to give to others in their journey. When you honour yourself and your emotions, you feel balanced and happy.

I give you permission.
I give you permission to NOT be okay.
I give you permission to take time and to ask for help without feeling shame.

Remember you are like the sunrise, without fault you rise each day, and even when clouded by doubt the strength of who you are exists and supports you.

Love yourself. Be kind to yourself.

Love, Sarah

About sedalzell

Educator & Explorer
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