The moment you break through the tree line, scramble the last peak, and stand still, breathing in an unobstructed view of a city as it comes to life with the rising sun. The moment in your recovery where you feel you can be still, without fear of relapse. The moment you can let it all sink in and breathe away the fatigue you’ve lived leading up to this point.
My summit brings me a sense of ownership. I think now more than ever I am at a point in my recovery where I am truly owning my role and my choice of mindset. Owning the moments I convinced myself I was okay, moments I blamed relapses on external stress factors, or moments I distorted my valued definition of health in order to restrict. This summit is honouring the strength that it took to persist through times of deep and sincere suffering, to pull myself from isolation, and to forgive myself enough to begin again.
My summit has brought me clarity. I have reached a full understanding of where I am in my recovery. I can pin point the negative voices as they attempt to leach into my thoughts. I am utterly aware when my own self doubt and sensitivity influences my reactions with loved ones. I am cognizant of the shame I still hold because food is sometimes still a point of anxiety and that self love is still an effort. These points of clarity allow me to continue my learning, to deepen my understanding of myself.
My summit has uncovered my inner strength and bravery. To move forward into unknown with confidence and without fear of failure. Bravery to open up emotionally, and to take steps to pursue a life I have always dreamed for myself, without fear of judgment.
As I look out from my summit, at the world as it slowly comes to life with the rising sun, I have an appreciation for my journey and to the individuals who gave space and support as I worked to find inner strength amongst the pain and hopelessness brought on by doubt.
Your summit is there, beyond the trees, beyond the clouds of self doubt. Walk your journey one step at a time. Appreciate those rare rays of sun that bend their way through the branches and warm your face, those are reminders that a summit does exist and is within your reach.